So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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