she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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