he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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