you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
