Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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