Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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