Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
