Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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