call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
