Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
