I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
