just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
