Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
