Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sorry about my life...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
