1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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