Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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