We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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