I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I'm really busy with my period
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