she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
