currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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