Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
