Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
