i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
