she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
