I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
