i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Less talking, more tequila
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
