I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
