garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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