the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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