Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
