So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
