i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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