I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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