Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
