I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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