24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize