My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
