I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
