his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
