Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
