I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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