What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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