Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
