I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
