your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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