Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
