trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
