All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
