I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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