i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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