You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
third nipple confirmed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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