We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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