tell your sister to shave her snatch
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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