Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think I died a long time ago.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
