the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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