I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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