What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
