When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
