My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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