remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
