i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
