Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
