Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
