she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
