I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
