I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
