There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
