Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
