sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize