someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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