Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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