Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
